journal entry dated April 20, 2012

Friday morning dawns

I awakened early, while it was still dark. Why stay in bed? I needed to check on Mother. A light in the sun room, a "cup" of hot coffee-

There's fear in my heart. To say it is in my soul is correct too. Will Mother pull through this time? She has so often in the past. It is not the fear of her passing, but the fear that she will continue to live. 

There, I said it. I knew it as I walked and prayed on Sunday morning- in the warm sunshine on Sunday morning that bid me to remove my sweater and tie it around my waist. The suffering, the laborious, sometimes, breathing. The inability to talk- she can't move at all. I'm ready for her release, and yes, my release too. Waiting and tending.

Horseback riding lesson at 9:30. Charlotte and I will do arithmetic in the car; some simple tomato sauce to go with the delicious meatballs I made yesterday. 3 T olive oil

                                                                                  5 cloves of garlic

                                                                                  1 large can of tomatoes

                                                                                  1 can of tomato sauce

                                                                                  fresh basil

                                                                                  salt and pepper

Simple, then add the meatballs of beef/pork. Heat up a pot of water for the pasta.

Radishes from my garden...and our first salad greens.

I skitter from the pleasure of peace in simple things. I erroneously believe He is not in those things. I fight my domestic bent and don't delight in those things, thinking He deems it less important. He who created it all- and put me here. I am confused at times, I must admit. Still tryng to sort, not unlike the sorting through closets and sewing baskets. 

LORD, clear my mind to learn truth in this matter.

I do so desire to glorify my Lord, my God, my King, my Creator, my Master, my Savior, in everything. ll Peter 1:3-10 runs strong and true. Reading in Exodus about the building of the Tabernacle. I am amazed every time I read it- the details, which does answer my quandary of what God deems important. ( I like to think He would consider me for some of the needlework!)

God chose to abide in a "tent"- a tabernacle- in the desert with His people- a wandering vagabond group of ex-slaves.

Then in 1 Kings 8:27 comes to mind

"...the heaven and heaven of heavens can not contain Thee..."

                                                   Yet You live in me!

                                                            Amazing!