Saturday, April 28, 2012

one long week later

Does the road wind uphill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day's journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.
                                        -Christina Rossetti

They call her a fighter. Sunday she "woke up". But as the day wore on we could tell even though she might have returned to us in some ways, the pain had only intensified, extreme pain became her blanket.

Against every deep desire in me I have begun administering the heavier meds. She was in pain and I knew I had at hand's reach the little drops to give relief. She wears a pain patch on her skin now which has helped greatly unless we go to move her and then the pain is stirred like a pot of hot bubbly oil. I cry along with her. 

Ice chips between her lips, her only intake. Lips that are cracked and peeling even with the continual applications of lip balm. This afternoon she got agitated when I put it to her lips. Her words are so low it is very difficult to understand her for the most part. Sometimes you might understand what she is trying to tell you. I long to know so badly.

1 comment:

Lesley Austin said...

Keeping you and your mother in my heart...thinking of you each day, many times a day...I have the book Mothering Mother by my bed, having reread it recently. But I stopped, this time, before the very end of it, where she chronicles the end of her mother's life. I am so far away from it (I believe), now you are so near. You might find comfort in reading it?

Your Sea-glass post was incredibly beautiful.

With hushed sympathy and reverence for what you are going through,